Some people fall in love and then get married. And for those who still haven’t found the ones they are looking for, listen to U2 and then decide to go for arranged marriages. The Irish Rock band also comes in handy when the love of your life decides to break off the relationship because her parents want her to marry someone from the same caste. A friend of mine was in a relationship with his ‘dream’ woman for eight years. They both came back home to get married, but a month later they went back to the West after each marrying someone else. Whatever happened to love?
The woman just couldn’t say no to her parents’ request about not cutting off their noses. And the guy was too old-school and decided not to rent a horse, storm the woman’s house and take her away. Maybe they should just have gotten married in the West and invited their parents to the wedding. This is what happens when people don’t read books or watch movies.
If only they had read ‘Romeo and Juliet’ or even watched the Bollywood flicks from the late 80s, then they would’ve had the courage to fight for their love. I’m not saying you should kill yourself to prove your love. I like happy endings. Just get married and then wait for your parents to accept your partnership. For some it’ll take a few years, or a grandchild, but eventually your parents will accept the fact that it’s okay not to have the final word on choosing the party venue or the food menu.
When a man hits 35 and the woman 30, even the astrologers worry about an asteroid hitting the Earth and destroying all forms of life. The family priest will come up with his own Big Bang theory and warn you that if you don’t get married by this Mangsir, then the world will never get to know a great person. He isn’t talking about you but your child-to-be. He works on his mathematical theorems and once again warns you that you have to get married by the end of this year and have a baby by another, or else it’ll be hard for you to produce a rightful heir to your broken laptop and taped-up smartphone.
He is now not only a priest but also an urologist as well. There will always be people like him. They speak multiple languages; have multiple degrees, and some of them even have multiple mistresses. I’m not talking bad about my family priest. He’s a nice fellow and he thinks my time has come to rule the world. But before sitting on the throne, I need to get married.
Some people get married to their high school or college sweethearts. This is what we call the ‘mother of all love marriages.’ Some people meet strangers, fall in love, and a month later, you get invited to their wedding party. Such marriages can be called ‘Hollywood Marriages.’ Most of the Hollywood stars tend to get married this way. But of course, their marriages will fall apart by the next Oscar season. But for normal beings like us, it’ll probably endure unless your partner wants to move to Hollywood to try his or her luck.
Arranged marriages get a bad rap because our grannies found out that they were getting married to some knucklehead only the day before the wedding. Well, it all turned out to be fine, didn’t it? It’s not like in the old days where you don’t even know whom you are getting married to. Nowadays, you get to meet your potential partner, and even go out for a coffee and have a chitchat. And if both of you seem to have some things in common, then it’s time to hire the local musical band for your janti.
In love marriages, you really don’t have to like your in-laws or the relatives from the other side. In arranged marriages, you’ll have to impress nearly everyone, or else you might not get the final approval to marry her. There will always be relatives from the woman’s side who may not like your face, your height, your academic qualifications or your work experience. Some will even go so far out and complain that the way you cross your legs or pick your nose isn’t manly enough.
Then you have relatives from your side who have thousands of advice on what to look for in a suitable bride or groom. If you take notes of their daily advice, you could turn it into a bestseller, and next year, you’ll be the one giving motivational speeches at some workshop organized by, er, Republica instead of Chetan Bhagat!
But it really doesn’t matter if you fell in love and then got married or got married first and fell in love truly, madly and deeply later on. Marriage is all about compromise. If we were to do a literal Nepali translation, then it would be ‘Kum Promise.’ Promise less and deliver more, and everything will just be fine.
KALU MAILA, the writer is a desperate houseman.
